change desire dreams fulfillment goals habits transitions Mar 11, 2022

Do You Want What You Are Chasing?


As a life transitions coach, I notice when there are discrepancies between what someone is working towards and what they really want.  It may be a question you have never asked yourself, but I believe it is in your best interest to do so often.  


Is what you are working on still your dream or has working towards it become just a habit? We are creatures of habit. Habits require effort to form and therefore we protect them passionately. That’s why good and bad habits alike die hard. You have invested effort, time, money, and your reputation. So what if your dream has evolved and you don’t really know it because you are too busy still pursuing the original dream? What if you are doing all the things and going through all the motions and it is all for something you may not even want anymore? Habits keep us on the wheel and it can be difficult to realize that we are no longer headed towards our desires but rather living in the habit of pursuing our original dream. 

One reason you may not have realized this change is that you have been working towards this for a long time and that is a good habit. But if it isn’t in alignment with our true purpose then it is not good and that is why you aren’t feeling energized by it anymore. That is why it doesn’t feel good anymore. Our gut knows more than we give it credit for. Having a strong value system is a great place to start, and revisiting our values and how our path has evolved, and why we want what we are aiming for is super important.


Maybe, on the other hand, you do realize you are working towards something you no longer want but you feel you are in too deep and you don’t know how to make the change. Your perceived challenge may come from financial concerns or from the fear of how your change would be perceived by others. There is no right or wrong here, it is all about getting into alignment with your dream. “To everything, there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven.” Ecclesiasties 3:1


Understanding one important fact may drastically ease your inner critic during these times and that is: LIFE IS MESSY. It is normal to want to reach our goal by traveling a clean, straight line and if anything interferes with that straight line, we begin to feel dis-ease. I like to refer to the Wizard of Oz with this point. Would you say Dorothy’s greatest gift was arriving to meet Oz (the original goal) or was it all of the new friends and experiences she gained along the winding yellow brick road to get there? It requires a bit of childlike wonder to live life embracing the mess but doing so allows us to bend and to reassess with openness and flexibility. “See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” Isaiah 43:19 


Transitions in life are inevitable, it is your choice how you will respond. Respond by updating your internal software, your way of thinking and behaving. We know we can’t enter marriage with the same mindset we had as a footloose and fancy-free single. We change our mindset around that transition. It seems that the areas of life that bear no celebratory entrance into a new chapter are the most difficult ones. Maybe we need to have a celebration to mark every transition in our life. This would help us consciously make the necessary inner changes to accommodate the transition.


The best way to find out if you are working towards something you really desire today is to ask yourself what you would like your daily life to look like and what valuable legacy would you like to leave. What is your favorite most comfortable part of the things you have to do each day in order to be productive? Do you love networking and building relationships with people? Do you love being by yourself to work on projects? Are you invigorated by a deadline? Do you like doing the same things each day? Do you like constant change? What do you want others to remember you by? What impact did your life have on others? Are you doing what you are doing because you are good at a certain thing and it seems like everyone who is good at that thing does what you are doing? 


Journaling is a fantastic way to really understand what is going on on the inside. We can think we know what we want but the magic happens when we go through the process of articulating our feelings and thoughts enough to make sense on paper. As Dawson Trotman said, “Thoughts disentangle themselves when they pass through the lips and fingertips.” Proverbs 20:5 says, “The purpose in a man’s heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out.” 


Another way to gain more clarity is through gratitude. Write down all you are grateful for and see if what you spend most of your time and energy on is contributing to the most important things or if it is ultimately stealing from them. It is funny how we can find that somehow we have traveled too far in a direction that undermines our greatest desires. But we can change that.


Your core values should be the backbone of your life plans. A great way to make a difficult, weighty decision is to ask yourself what fits within your core values. It will give you lots of confidence to go forward in the right direction because in the end, honoring our values will never be a mistake. “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.” Psalm 119:105


Build a closer relationship with God. This should be first because all clarity comes from knowing God. The way to know Him is to spend time with Him. Read the Bible and talk with God. The closer you get to God, the more your faith and clarity will increase. Where there is faith and clarity there is an absence of fear and confusion. “For the Lord gives wisdom; from His mouth come knowledge and understanding.” Proverbs 2:6 “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.” John 14:27 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and He will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6


8 Ways to Gain Clarity and Confidence During Transition


  1. Accept that LIFE IS MESSY
  2. Maintain a positive mindset to accommodate change
  3. Envision your desired life
  4. Be legacy minded
  5. Journal
  6. Practice gratitude
  7. Know your core values
  8. Build a closer relationship with God


If you think you would like to work with me to gain more clarity and confidence, book a free discovery call today!


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