WHY YOU BREAK PROMISES TO YOURSELF AND 3 WAYS TO START KEEPING THEM

 Why Break Your Promises to Yourself and How To Start Keeping Them

By: Michelle Cappelli Gordon

With a new year approaching, many of you will be looking to gain a fresh start towards making desired changes in your lives.  It seems like the perfect time to start something new right?  But did you know that the majority of new year’s resolutions fail in the first 30 days?  While there are many different reasons we don’t keep commitments to ourselves, I have listed the most common below and followed them with three things you must do to better set yourself up for success.

MINDSET

 You’ve heard the stories about how most lottery winners end up broke within a few years of winning millions of dollars.  This is because they had the mindset of someone without money.  A scarcity mindset does not allow someone to live in anything but a life of scarcity.  So you can see how deciding that you are going to live with new habits that conflict with your former lifestyle and unconscious belief systems can be a setup for failure.  

Many success coaches will talk about the importance of knowing your "why", however, in order to be successful at attempting new life changes, you need to know yourself first.  

“To know thyself is the beginning of wisdom.”

Socrates

Socrates was right!  Getting real about who you really are is key because it allows you to acknowledge your past experiences— which tint the lens through which you view life.  In order to adopt the right mindset, you need to understand the mindset you currently hold.  If you were repairing a leak in your roof, you wouldn’t just place a universal patch where the drip is coming from.  You would first have to find out what type of damage was done, how far the leak had traveled, and if there was mold.  Then you would know what type of repair is needed.  If you were to just cover up a leak, it may appear to work temporarily, but over time the underlying problem would just get worse.  In other words, the new patch would fail.  And so it is that you need to know what you are working with before you set off towards the new and improved you.  Then you can identify your “why.”

TIMING 

Starting something new and challenging requires your passionate dedication.   

“We change our behavior when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing."   

Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend

Do you know that feeling when you've finally had it with something and there is no going back because you have hit your limit?  That’s a great place to be if you want to make big changes in your life.  

UNREALISTIC GOALS

Be realistic!  For heaven’s sake, set yourself up for success, not a disappointment.  Sit down and look at what it would take to reach a goal, apply the steps to your daily life, and be honest with yourself about whether or not you could push yourself consistently and for the long term in order to get there.  

“If something is irrational, that means it won’t work.  It’s usually unrealistic.” 

Albert Ellis

TOO VAGUE & UNMEASURABLE

How many times have you heard someone say they wanted to “get healthy”, “Lose weight”, or “have more fun” in the new year?  But what does that mean?  There is no way to know when and if they got there so it just fades into the background. Often, this momentary thought will fester deep down as “another personal failure” which eats away confidence and self-esteem like weeds in a garden.   

“Vagueness and good law are simply incompatible.” 

Gina Miller

Be specific about the result, so you’ll know when you get there.  You’ll also build confidence when you do.

NO SUPPORT SYSTEM

If you are fortunate enough to have people around you that will support you in your endeavors, you are lucky, use their support and encouragement.  If you do not, use them as motivation. 

“If you can’t tolerate critics, don’t do anything new or interesting.” 

Jeff Bezos

Plan ahead of time for the lack of support and decide how you are going to view it. Be mentally ready for the criticism, expect it and you control how you will be affected by it.  

So now you know why most new year’s resolutions fail.  Here are some sure-fire ways to set yourself up for success for your next personal promise.

Three Ways to Better Keep Your Promises to Yourself

1. Understand why you haven’t done it already. 

This goes along with knowing yourself.  Do the inner work necessary to peel away the blocks and old, unconscious belief systems.  Remember, they are like weeds, and will steal the willpower you need to reach your goal.  To identify your inner beliefs, begin by asking yourself what your inner critic usually says to you.  This is a great place to start!

2.  Make it realistic, specific, and measurable.

Determine the specific goal and what it will take to get there.  Ask yourself if the steps are realistic for the long term and day-to-day; including the mental wherewithal to survive criticism and lack of support. 

3.  Write it down. 

You are 43% more likely to reach your goal if you write it down, according to a study at Dominican University.  The most successful people write down their goals because it makes them more clear and concrete.  

What are you going to do next? I would love to hear your dreams for next year! 

 I wish you all the best in reaching your personal goals.  If you struggle with unconscious beliefs and blocks or need help with strategy and accountability, it is helpful to work with a coach.  If you would like my help, click here.